Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
