why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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