Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
