She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
