Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
