In the future we'll all be gay
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
