Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
