I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
