i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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