like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
