you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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