Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
