47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
