I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
