Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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