I think I won the penis lottery.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
