i jhust puked up my retainher.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
