I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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