Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Found your dick twin last night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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