Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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