So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
