He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
