So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Randomize
