Too much gin, very little bucket
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
