Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
