i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
