Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
