I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Quick, to the slutcave!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
