I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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