Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
