Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Let's get the cat blown out
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
