Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm too high and old for this...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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