The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
