I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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