that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
