kristin has been a bad kristin
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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