If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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