I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
