I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
