best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
