My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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