i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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