Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You ruined the universe
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
