I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
