Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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