Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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