why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
