420 ftw
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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