I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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