Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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