I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just invented taco cereal.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
