hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
