How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
