He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
