Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
