Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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